I'm going goddamn crazy in this loony bin I call home. What the fuck! It's been about 5 months or so since this whole thing started AND THAT RAT BASTARD WANTS TO COME BACK?!?!? WELL FUCK YOU, YOU ASS HOLE DIPSHIT MOTHERFUCKER. I DONT NEED YOU OR ANYONE ELSE, ALL YOU ARE THE SAME, ONE AFTER THE OTHER. All you know how to do is hurt someone and I'm sick of it. I swear to the Lord above he comes near me I'm going to stab is eyes out and let my dog eat them as i watch and laugh....Nothing better then a women scorned yes? Damn bastard. And I dont care about support, no no I dont give a damn I dont want or need his dirty money. He can go swap spit with his damn floozy.All my life I was brought up with the knowledge that men would help us in our need, that men were the one who took care of everything. FUCK THAT SHIT. THATS A FUCKING LIE. I dont hate men...no but YOUR ALL A BUNCH OF FUCKING LIEING SHIT BAGS. what the fuck?? goddamn. I must be attracting some ass holes and i dont know how to stop it. you know what. ILL TAKE CARE OF MYSELF AND LORI, I'LL SUPPORT US BOTH. I have such the urge to just run away. or end this all. to just end everything and just...go dark for a while. I'm always tired, nauseus and this damn baby bump is killing me. Im so tired of it all. My friends are ok...but they cant offer any support that I need right now. Their love is so small and they hardly understand anything thats going on with me emotionally and mentally. My parents are suprisingly supportive and they dont even seem dissapointed. Actually..they're the only ones that make me happy throughout the day. And now that my other friends from WHC are cut out from my life at the moment....its still complete torture. And I'm still scared even though im some what a little bit happy at the end of the day...I cant even sleep because im scared what my life is going to be like. I know i spend way to much time in my head but...I can stop thinking. Im scared about life, about Lori, about money, about faith about everything. How do I graduate with this? how do i go to colledge like this? how do i get a job like this? So many questions that i dont think Ill get an answer to. But I'm not blaming anyone...all of this is my fault. I wont even be the one to blamn my problems on anyone else. I wont. I' trying to survive...I really am but im questioning i this is all worth it. I dont know if it's hormones or what but...I think I really really need some help. I'll probably be going to some pregnancy classes- And thats another thing. When I go to those classes...When I see the fathers helping the soon-to-be mamas...I feel like im getting stabbed in the heart...It's so unfair, it really is. That im so alone while im going through this. It's unfair for me. But whatever. I'm just going to have to put all my anger... my sorrow and angst inside my bottle. See I have this thing..it might sound silly but I call it my 'Bottle' in that bottle I imagin all my bad emotions are filling that cup. And when it overflows thats when I start to cry. See, I never. ever cry. I don't really understand why but I never get really sad enough to cry. Even when my grandmother died i didn't cry until a month later. that was when my bottle was full and I emptied it out by crying. Idk. It's weird but it helps me control my anger and bitterness. It really does....well anyway...thats the end of my life story..for a while. :3 /rant x3